I want one night out to end without me wishing I was dead
I feel so down I need someone to talk to but the only person I’m comfortable talking to is my boyfriend but he’s at work
so until then I just have to sleep I guess
I messaged a girl about my eating problems and she gave me a lot of tips so I think I’m gonna talk to my doctor about going to the ED clinic to get help this summer, I’m trying to finally accept going to therapy and trying some medication this summer and I’m kind of feeling excited to fix things. I’m kind of upset I couldn’t get the courage to do this earlier but by next summer I hope to feel good with myself for the first time in 6 years
the older I get, the less patience I have for the idea that a story is inherently complex or #deep because it has a bittersweet or tragic ending, or that people who like for things to end on a happy note are simple-minded weaklings who can’t handle harsh realities and mature storytelling.
Look, shit is fucked. Life is a mess. Sometimes it’s a struggle to even come up with a reason to go on. I respect that media should be realistic and true to life, but fucking sue me, for once I just want to see the bad guys eat shit while the good guys ride off into the sunset and never have anything bad happen to them ever again. I don’t care if it’s unrealistic or implausible, that’s why it’s a fucking story. I have enough tragedy in my real life, thanks.
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS ALLLLLLL THIS
This is why I roll my eyes at people who think fun shows, movies, plays, musicals are bad because they’re not going to change your life. Sometimes all you need is two and half hours of unrealistic fluff to make you forget about what you see on the news.
Hey, I’m feeling fucked up because of the Orlando shooting and making posts that Might Be Helpful to others makes me feel better. So here’s some positive stuff. I’m mostly linking to masterposts. If you have any suggestions for additions, please message me and I’ll add things. This is a hard time for LGBT people and I hope everyone can feel well soon.
- Happy LGBT Movie Recommendations
- LGBT 8track playlists
- Comfort Food Recipes
- Mind-Numbing, Distracting Activities
- LGBT Book Recommendations
- LGBTWebcomics
- QueerGraffiti
- I’m From Driftwood, The LGBTQ Story Archive
I also realize that this can be a really hard time for a lot of people. Here are some LGBT friendly hotlines:
- (For ages 13-24) The Trevor Project: 1-866-4-U-TREVOR or online at www.thetrevorproject.com
- THE GLBT National Help Center
- Hotline: 1-888-THE-GLNH
- Youth Talkline: 1-800-246-PRIDE
- GLCCB has a good masterpost, but some of them are not national, so pay attention to locality
Stay safe everyone!
it sucks smiling and laughing with friends and then coming home with no will to live anymore. i can tell everyone who talks to me only does because they feel sorry for me or they feel like they have to and it sucks. i can’t talk to my mom about the way i feel because she doesn’t get it and i can’t talk to my boyfriend because i know i’m just worrying him and upsetting him. the only thing that makes me genuinely happy is making other people happy but i feel like i can’t even do that anymore. i’m not happy doing much anymore i used to love art but i just feel so sad when i draw or take pictures now i feel like i’ve lost everything. last night was so bad and the worst part is i actually thought i would have so much fun. i had fun for 10 minutes when i was distracted but then i started feeling anxious and then i felt down because i felt anxious. i ruined everyones night because i was feeling down and i’m so disgusted by that. when i was hiding in the bathroom i heard some friends come in and say “I can’t have a good time unless i know kendra’s okay.. but apparently she does this all the time so i’m not as worried” and that makes me hate myself even more. the worst is knowing who said that. i’m so tired of constantly putting on a fake smile to keep from worrying people because i feel like the more i ignore how i actually feel the worse i get. i’m trying so hard to get better and feel better and it works for maybe a week and then i have another freak out. i feel like no matter what i do in life i’ll be the “stupid kendra” i always have been. i feel so worthless and i feel like i will never amount to anything, and it sucks so much. i just want to feel better so i can make people worry less and make them happy again, because i just feel so selfish. i think i’m going to call my doctor tomorrow and ask about medication because i need to keep the thoughts of harming myself away so i can get better. i feel annoying for making so many posts i just need to get it out somewhere or to someone, because right now i don’t feel like i have anyone
